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have you ever met someone who seemed to
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really care about you who opened up to
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you laughed with you maybe even told you
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how special you are but then just when
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things started to get real they changed
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they grew distant they started pulling
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away maybe they didn't ghost you
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entirely but something shifted you felt
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it they were afraid of something but you
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couldn't tell if it was fear of you or
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fear of something inside themselves if
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that's ever happened to you you're not
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imagining it and you're not alone carl
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Young had a name for this pattern he
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believed that people don't run from love
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because they don't want it they run
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because love reflects back the parts of
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them they haven't made peace with yet
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jung wrote "Everything that irritates us
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about others can lead us to an
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ourselves but that's not just about
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conflict it's also about closeness
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because sometimes what irritates us is
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how deeply we want to be seen the closer
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you get to someone the more emotionally
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exposed you become that's beautiful but
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it's also terrifying for the part of you
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that spent years trying to stay safe and
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when someone starts to care about you or
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when you start caring about them that
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buried fear rises to the surface carl
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Jung believed the human psyche isn't
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made of one clear identity he saw the
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self as layered a collection of light
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and shadow persona and soul a lifelong
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tension between who you appear to be and
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who you really are and one of his most
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powerful teachings is this until you
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make the unconscious conscious it will
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direct your life and you will call it
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fate that includes your relationships
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that includes how you respond to
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connection intimacy and emotional
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vulnerability so when someone pulls away
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after opening up when they go silent
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after getting close it's not always a
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conscious choice often it's an instinct
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an inner defense that gets triggered not
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because love is wrong but because it
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feels unfamiliar too real too raw too
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close to the parts of themselves they've
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tried not to feel imagine this you
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finally find someone who sees you not
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the version you show the world not the
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put together you but the you underneath
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it all the one who doubts the one who
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hopes the one who's still healing and
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for a moment it feels amazing like home
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but then the panic starts because if
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they see the real you they could reject
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you and if they matter to you that
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rejection would hurt more than anything
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so before that risk happens the
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unconscious finds a way to protect you
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you withdraw you distract you create
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space and maybe you don't even realize
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you're doing it but part of you believes
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if you get too close you'll lose control
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jung called this the shadow the part of
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you that holds your denied emotions your
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buried wounds your unmet needs most
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people never confront their shadow they
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project it instead especially in
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relationships so the closer you get to
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someone the more likely your shadow gets
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involved and if their care awakens a
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part of your soul that hasn't been
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touched in years you might not know how
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to receive it you might push it away
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before it asks you to grow not because
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you're cold not because you're incapable
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of love but because love requires a
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version of you that your past has taught
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you to suppress carl Jung believed that
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what we run from in relationships is
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rarely the other person it's the mirror
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they hold up the mirror that shows you
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not just what you want but what you've
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been afraid to become and here's where
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it gets even more interesting people
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often think emotional distance means the
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end of a connection but Young saw
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distance as a message a signal a portal
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an opportunity to bring something
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unconscious into the light though if
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someone pulls away after caring for you
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it might not mean they care less it
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might mean the connection woke up a part
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of them they've never fully understood
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something they haven't made peace with
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yet and if you're the one who's pulled
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away before if you felt overwhelmed by
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closeness or scared to receive love that
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doesn't make you broken it makes you
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human because closeness doesn't just
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reveal how much we love it reveals where
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we're still learning how to feel safe
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where we still need healing where we're
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still trying to believe that we are
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worthy of real connection now how do we
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grow closer even when those fears show
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up jung believed that true intimacy
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doesn't come from perfection it comes
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from inner integration not fixing but
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understanding not forcing connection but
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letting love illuminate what needs
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attention if someone pulls away from you
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don't immediately assume it's about you
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instead ask what part of them might feel
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unready to be seen ask what part of your
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connection might be inviting them to
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evolve and if you're the one pulling
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away ask yourself gently "What am I
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afraid if I let them love me what do I
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believe I have to hide to stay
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safe these questions aren't easy but
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they create space for something sacred
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healing within the relationship instead
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of healing before the relationship
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because the truth is most of us don't
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heal in isolation we heal in safe
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presence in honest reflection in love
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that gives us room to be messy afraid
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and real carl Young once wrote "The
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privilege of a lifetime is to become who
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you truly are and sometimes that
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becoming happens in the presence of
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someone who sees you someone who scares
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you because they don't let you hide
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someone who triggers you because they're
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waking up the parts of you that want to
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be alive again that's why love can feel
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like fear that's why care can feel like
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danger because your unconscious mind
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associates intimacy with vulnerability
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and vulnerability with risk but you're
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not your unconscious mind you can choose
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differently you can feel the instinct to
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pull away and still move forward with
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openness you can acknowledge the fear
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and let it walk beside you not lead you
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growing closer isn't about eliminating
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the fear it's about expanding your
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capacity to stay with yourself while
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staying with someone else it's about
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choosing understanding over reactivity
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curiosity over control intimacy over
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performance someone pulls away but you
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know they care offer them presence not
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pressure compassion not confrontation
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and most importantly offer yourself the
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same don't collapse your self-worth into
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someone else's emotional rhythm don't
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become less just to become closer jung
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said "Your vision will become clear only
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when you can look into your own heart
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who looks outside dreams who looks
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awakens." This is the kind of love that
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awakens you not a love that saves you
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but one that helps you become the person
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who can love fully without fear let them
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pull away if they must let them return
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if they can but always stay close to
