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have you ever been drawn like a magnet
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to someone who can't or won't meet you
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emotionally you feel sparks at first
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only to find yourself hitting a wall of
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silence mixed signals or
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distance why do we chase the uncatchable
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today we'll expose the hidden psychology
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that has you hooked on unavailable love
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free in this episode you'll
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learn the ancient allure of unavailable
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partners why your brain equates distance
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value how attachment patterns prime you
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to seek people who can't fully show up
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the dopamine-driven chase that makes
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addictive the self-worth gap convincing
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you you don't deserve
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better three proven strategies to shift
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toward emotionally available
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love and a real couple's journey from
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heartbreak loops to healthy
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connection stick around by the end
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you'll know exactly why unavailable love
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feels so irresistible and how to choose
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someone who truly sees
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Cara she's creative empathetic and
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romantic when she met Alex his cool
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confidence and mysterious smile pulled
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instantly early dates were thrilling
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secret rooftop meetups late night drives
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where he shared cryptic stories and just
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enough flirtation to keep Cara wanting
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more but after a few months Alex began
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ghosting her on weekends and showing up
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late to calls sometimes not at
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all cara's text went unanswered for
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days each return text from Alex was a
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lifeline proof he still cared
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she'd rush to forgive convincing herself
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"He's just busy he's not like the
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rest." That pattern repeated for 2 years
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pursuit distance relief
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repeat cara lost count of the number of
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times she wondered "Why am I always
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chasing someone who can't catch
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if you've ever felt drawn to someone
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unavailable you're not flawed you're
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human let's map why this magnetic pull
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loop section one the allure of the
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unavailable why does unavailability feel
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magnetic there are three core drivers
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scarcity sparks luxury in economics
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limited supply raises demand your brain
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treats scarce affection as more valuable
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so when someone pulls back you
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subconsciously increase their
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worth the dopamine jackpot unpredictable
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rewards produce the strongest dopamine
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spikes you never know when Alex will
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reply so each ping is a mini surprise
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the mirror of past wounding if in
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childhood affection was inconsistent
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warm one day cold the next your brain
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learned that love arrives in
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bursts unavailable partners mirror that
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pattern making you unconsciously
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dynamics pattern interrupt notice the
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next time you find yourself valuing
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someone for their aloofness
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ask am I chasing their heart or my
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childhood section two attachment and the
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effect attachment theory gives us deeper
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clarity anxious attachment you crave
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abandonment an unavailable partner
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triggers your core wound i must chase to
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safe avoidant attachment you avoid
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vulnerability and equate closeness with
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suffocation you may even date
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unavailable types to justify your own
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walls many people oscillate between
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these styles a phenomenon called the
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uptown downtown effect you chase they
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pull away they pull away you
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chase it's a dance to avoid true
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case in point Carara's mother was
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emotionally distant then smothering on
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reunions carara's anxious style sought
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love alex's avoidance style mirrored her
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unpredictability their dance felt
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familiar and that familiarity felt oddly
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home section three the dopamine
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loop from someone you desire is
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unpredictable your brain lights up like
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machine dopamine surges when they
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finally respond an intoxicating
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rush cortisol spikes during the weight
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driving anxiety and obsessive
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thoughts this dopamine cortisol loop
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becomes addictive you chase the relief
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of reconnection as if it's a drug
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your neural pathways learn to seek out
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the high regardless of the cost and
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exhaustion tip: Next time you feel panic
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at silence notice the craving not the
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content of the message but the need for
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rush awareness breaks the
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loop section four self-worth and the
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beneath the chemistry and attachment
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story if they can't give me consistent
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love I must not deserve
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it this belief often traces back
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to messages of unworthiness you're too
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needy early rejection childhood friends
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or caregivers who pulled away
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reinforcing I'm not enough
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when you date an unavailable partner you
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unconsciously prove your worthlessness
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by enduring neglect you confirm your
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loop power move counter this narrative
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truth next time doubt strikes say "I
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deserve love that's given freely not
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Repeat until your mind rewrites the
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story section five recognizing the
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pattern before you can change you must
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yourself do I feel more excited when
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they pull away than when they show
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up do I tolerate neglect to keep the
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do I ruminate on it every unread message
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scenarios journal your answers observing
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the loop dissolves its
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power you can't fix what you can't
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see section six three strategies to
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availability it's time to shift toward
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partners who meet you
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fully here are three researchbacked
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value create a relationship inventory
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list qualities that truly matter empathy
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consistency honest communication over
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thrill rate potential partners against
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these criteria not just
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chemistry two dopamine
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substitutions novelty in healthy ways
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new hobbies travel creative
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projects fill your dopamine bank so
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you're less reliant on partner
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unpredictability three anchor insecure
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rituals three on simple check-ins a
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daily good morning and goodn night
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text celebrate consistency each message
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is proof of care not a frantic test
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practicing these habits rewires your
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brain from craving unavailability to
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presence section seven real life
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transformation let's return to
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Carara after years of heartbreak loops
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she met Jason an emotionally available
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but old patterns almost derailed it when
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Jason had to travel for a month Cara's
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flared she texted him non-stop replayed
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old wounds nearly ended things out of
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fear instead she tried the three
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strategies used her relationship
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inventory to remember why Jason's
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mattered picked up painting again to
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channel her dopamine cravings
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said a daily check-in call at 8:00 p.m
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non-negotiable by the time Jason
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returned Cara's panic had
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eased their reunion was warm not
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desperate over months she realized
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emotionally available love wasn't less
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exciting it was deeper and more
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sustaining section eight your sevenstep
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blueprint inventory your values list
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five must haves and emotional
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availability spot the dopamine trap
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notice cravings during silence distract
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thrill journal your patterns record
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moments you chase neglect
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craft a new mantra i choose presence
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pursuit establish secure rituals daily
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check-ins practice self- validation
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remind yourself "I deserve full
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availability." Celebrate each win every
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consistent interaction is progress each
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step retrains your brain to seek healthy
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love not pain disguised as passion
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if you're done chasing ghosts and ready
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for someone who's truly there do three
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now like this video to show it
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mattered comment choose presence if
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you're ready to break the
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loop share with a friend who needs to
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hear that emotionally available love is
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there hit subscribe and ring the bell
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next episode we'll tackle how childhood
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attachment wounds shape your love life
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so you can heal the root cause once and
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all remember you deserve love that's
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given freely not earned through
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chase this is the psychology of love
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what they never taught
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you let's keep learning and loving