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have you ever noticed how the moment
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someone you care about pulls away your
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chest tightens and your mind won't
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rest you'll text them again and again
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revisit old messages replay
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conversations trying to figure out what
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wrong today we uncover the hidden
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psychology that turns distance into
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desire and how to break free from the
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chase once and for all
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discover why your ancient survival
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wiring screams danger when someone pulls
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away how attachment wounds prime you for
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pursuit the dopamine cortisol loop that
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unpredictability the self-worth stories
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convincing you you're unlovable without
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three proven strategies to reclaim your
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peace and choose secure
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connection stay with me because once you
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see how your brain and heart are being
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hijacked you'll never chase shadows
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Lena she's smart driven and fiercely
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loyal but when she met Mark she
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discovered a pattern that nearly cost
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their first month was electric texts
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that lit up her phone at midnight
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surprise coffee dates inside jokes that
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destiny then on a Tuesday evening Mark
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silent no goodn night text
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pounded she refreshed her messages paced
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her apartment convinced herself she'd
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wrong the next day she sent him a long
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message i miss you did I do something
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mark replied hours later "Sorry busy
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talk later." Relief flooded Lena proof
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cared but when he finally called his
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tur lena apologized for overreacting
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promising she wouldn't do it
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again in her mind she thought "I'll
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never make him pull away
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again." Over the next weeks the pushpull
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dance consumed her every distant pause
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became a crisis every reconnection a
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high so intense she'd forgive almost
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anything her friends warned her "You're
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giving up your life for his mood
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swings." But Lena couldn't stop chasing
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if you've ever found yourself scrambling
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to fill a void someone else created
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mirror today we'll map the forces behind
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that chase and show you exactly how to
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wheel section one survival circuits and
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alarm humans are wired for
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connection in the African savannah
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isolation meant vulnerability to
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predators our ancestors who stuck with
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the tribe survived and passed on genes
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that equate social safety with physical
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safety at the heart of this system is
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the amygdala the brain's alarm center
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when someone you emotionally rely on
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withdraws the amygdala lights up
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triggering a cascade of stress
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hormones cortisol surges driving anxiety
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and a frantic urge to
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reconnect adrenaline kicks in
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heightening vigilance your mind hunts
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for clues in every text or
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glance in those moments your rational
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brain takes a backseat
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logical thinking shuts down and your
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survival wiring screams "Find them or
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danger." The gap between ancestral
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reality and modern love is vast someone
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not answering within hours is not a life
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threat yet your brain doesn't know the
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difference it just knows the alarm bells
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are ringing and it wants you to act fast
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pattern interrupt next time you feel
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that panic try this pause place a hand
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on your heart and take three slow
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safe that person's distance is not a
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door section two attachment wounds and
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in childhood when love felt inconsistent
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your brain learned to chase every sign
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care anxious attachment care arrived in
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fits and starts sometimes comforting
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distant you learned to be loved I must
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pursue avoidant attachment care felt
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conditional or dismissive
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you learned feelings are dangerous so
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detached when these styles collide an
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anxious partner with an avoidant one the
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ignites the anxious partner's plea for
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reassurance triggers the avoidant
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partner's urge to protect their
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autonomy the avoidant partner withdraws
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activating the anxious partner's
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the anxious partner chases harder which
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deepens the avoidant partner's
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retreat note even if you're not in an
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anxious avoidant pairing an anxious
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style alone will chase any slight
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pause the root isn't your partner it's a
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childhood wound that's still
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raw quick exercise reflect on your
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earliest memory of feeling abandoned or
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involved acknowledging that wound is the
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first step toward healing
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it section three the dopamine cortisol
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loop your chase behavior isn't just fear
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driven it's chemically
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reinforced when you succeed in
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reconnecting when you get that long-
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aaited text or apology your brain
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rewards you with dopamine the pleasure
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neurotransmitter you feel relief even
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euphoria high cortisol fuels the panic
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distance dopamine high fuels the relief
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this chemical seessaw becomes
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addictive you learn to crave both the
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reward you panic when they're
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silent you rejoice when they
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return you tolerate the pain because the
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it's the same mechanism behind gambling
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or social media addiction unpredictable
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rewards trigger the strongest
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cravings your brain learns to focus on
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the buzz not the payoff's
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emptiness interruption notice how your
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body reacts right now any tightness in
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your chest a flicker of
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anxiety that's your cue to break the
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section four self-worth stories and
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lies the core of the chase is a
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self-worth story you might not even
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realize you're telling
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yourself if they pull away it means I'm
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unlovable i must chase to prove my
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worth this narrative often stems from
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like "You're just too sensitive
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needy you'll never find anyone who
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cares these lies hook you into believing
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your value hinges on another's
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attention you sacrifice time energy even
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your own needs convinced that any
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connection no matter how volatile is
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power move counter these lies with
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truth the next time you feel worthless
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say out loud "I am worthy of love
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chasing." Repeat until it sinks
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in your brain needs new stories to
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old section five three strategies to
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understanding the chase is liberating
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but knowledge alone won't end
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it you need practical
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tools one build emotional safety with
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yourself self soothing rituals daily
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practices like deep breathing journaling
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three things you appreciate about
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yourself or a 5-minute mindfulness
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break boundary setting commit to not
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messaging back immediately when panic
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strikes tell yourself "I only respond
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calm." Two rewrite your chase
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response lay and distract when you feel
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the urge to chase pause for 10
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minutes send a brief thinking of you if
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you must then switch to a grounding
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activity walk read call a friend
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text template draft a supportive but
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self-respecting message you can send
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when you truly need to reconnect rather
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than firing off anxious
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please three cultivate secure connection
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habits scheduled check-ins agree on a
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daily or weekly time to share highs lows
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and needs no surprises
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allowed gratitude practice after each
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reconnection note one genuine thing you
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appreciate about them and share
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it this shifts focus from scarcity to
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abundance these steps train your brain
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to associate connection with calm not
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crisis section six real couple
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breakthrough back to Lena and
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Mark after acknowledging their chase
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dynamic they tried two
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changes cool down rule if either felt
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panic they'd wait 15 minutes before
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responding using self soothing to calm
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alarm weekly heart sessions every Sunday
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evening they spent 20 minutes sharing
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needs and appreciations no distractions
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allowed initially Lena's panic flared
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her heart raced as the 15-minute timer
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ticked mark's silence felt
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deafening but when he finally replied
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calmly she realized the world didn't
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rewiring within a month their dynamic
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shifted things felt like thoughtful
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gestures not lifelines
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their weekly sessions became sources of
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intimacy lena noticed that when Mark
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pulled back it no longer meant
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abandonment it simply meant he needed
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okay section seven your sevenst step
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blueprint now it's your
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here's your road map out of the
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chase identify your triggers journal
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moments you felt panic at
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distance pause the panic use a 10-minute
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technique affirm your worth repeat I am
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enough whenever old stories
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surface set response boundaries commit
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to healthy communication windows
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schedule secure rituals daily or weekly
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drama express gratitude share one
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genuine appreciation after
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reconnection track your progress note
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shifts in your anxiety levels and
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confidence practice these steps
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consistently and you'll rewire your
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brain from chasing to choosing
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if this episode helped you understand
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why you chase and how to stop do three
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now like this video to signal its
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value comment choose peace if you're
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chasing share with someone who needs to
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cycle hit subscribe and ring the bell
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next time we'll tackle the real reason
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you fear commitment and it's not what
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you think so you can explore what stops
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you from building lasting
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love remember distance feels like danger
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only because your brain is wired that
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way you have the power to rewire it one
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time let's keep learning together