0:00
you know I said but one thing I at least
0:01
try to teach my own children is being
0:04
accountable you know I remember one time
0:06
my you know my son actually called me
0:07
out on something like that and you know
0:09
and told me and you you know you said
0:10
this and you did that and I went again
0:12
shame sandwich I'm like you know
0:14
what yeah I did that I owe your father
0:17
an apology and I called his father right
0:19
in front of him and you know and said
0:21
you know what I I said that before and
0:23
that that wasn't cool and Conor brought
0:25
it to my attention he's not wrong so I
0:27
owe an apology and here it is and so
0:31
well but you know not only so am I did I
0:34
mend that Rift in our co-parenting
0:36
relationship I go but I've just now
0:38
taught my son what it means to be
0:39
accountable well and you probably built
0:41
some trust with your ex about here's how
0:44
I want us to show up about one another
0:47
in front of our child and here's here's
0:49
my efforts to do that yeah which I think
0:51
is is really great for sure yeah yeah
0:54
can you tell me a little bit about the
0:55
differences that uh children exper how
0:58
how how children of different ages a
1:00
developmental stages experience divorce
1:02
yeah I mean overall most people think it
1:05
that the the little children suffer the
1:07
most and older children it's going to be
1:09
easier because they're older in my
1:11
experience it's usually the exact
1:12
opposite especially teenage children are
1:15
more like they they tend to take it very
1:16
personally and because you know
1:18
teenagers are you know right you know
1:19
are focused a lot on themselves you know
1:21
it's a lot of how dare you how dare you
1:23
mess up my life my senior year of high
1:25
school with with with this you know but
1:27
I found that younger children are so
1:30
and if you can demonstrate to them that
1:33
hey I'm okay as the parent this is kind
1:35
of what we're we're doing for now around
1:37
kids are like okay an adventure you know
1:39
I mean so so kids are so neuroplastic
1:42
and if you with that consistency and
1:45
showing your children that yeah this is
1:47
okay and you're going to your dad's
1:48
house or you're going to your mom's
1:49
house and it's okay and they just grow
1:52
up where that's their new Norm you know
1:54
and I mean they're adaptable and they're
1:56
resilient of course that's considering
1:58
we do all of these things that talking
2:00
about today to the best of our abilities
2:02
to minimize the upheaval and the and the
2:05
disjointed non-structure and non-c
2:07
consistency so I would say I would agree
2:09
with that all things being equal all
2:11
things being equal if we if we consider
2:13
those things um you know before we wrap
2:16
up have you had a dream case that you're
2:17
just like this is the way to do divorce
2:20
to minimize the damage of children oh
2:23
yes um the best way is we talked about
2:25
it in our in our other episode is
2:27
collaborative divorce you know you take
2:29
the the University you take the court
2:31
you take everything that makes a divorce
2:33
nasty out of that process you actually
2:36
have a child specialist That's on your
2:38
team that is helping you write your
2:40
parenting plan that you can ask
2:41
questions of what we know H how do we do
2:44
this what you know what what should we
2:46
do as far as this goes and there's also
2:48
usually a communication coach helping
2:50
you to communicate better as a parent
2:52
helping you communicate better with your
2:54
child what do I do when my child ask me
2:56
this communication coach and child
2:58
specialist can help with that get
2:59
experts who who know better because they
3:01
Lear exactly so you leave that process
3:02
you can either leave it with just the
3:04
piece of paper that the judge signs or
3:05
you can leave with the piece of paper
3:07
with a better co-parenting relationship
3:09
with your now ex spouse and a parenting
3:12
plan that's actually written for you and
3:14
for your children and for your lives
3:17
ideal ideal and cheaper cheaper and
3:20
quicker right all those things are in in
3:23
benefit for everyone involved yes so the
3:26
last thing I want to talk about is just
3:28
how do we make sure as the parent that
3:30
we take care of our own mental health
3:32
because if we can't put our oxygen mask
3:33
on first we're not going to have
3:35
anything left for the people around us
3:36
what suggestions do you have you know
